When you understand the origins of your sexual problems, you can change the beliefs which lied behind your difficulties. And then, than heavens, you can train your body to respond to physical arousal, rather than mental arousal such as fantasy or the anticipation of sex, you can enjoy a much more reliable sexual response to stimulation and become fully potent again.

Sounds easy? Well, the amazing thing is that it can be – and even those cases of erectile dysfunction which have been written off by the medical profession as physically based can respond well to this approach.

Erectile dysfunction

You do not need to put up with impotence – there is an effective cure for the majority of men who suffer from loss of erection during sex.

Good communication is part of your way to help solve erection problems and cure your erectile dysfunction

I mentioned earlier that good communication is vital to intimacy, a good relationship, and most of all a good sex life. If you’re having trouble communicating about intimate matters with your partner, and you have erection problems, this could be part of the problem.

Video: You need to talk about sex.

For one thing, words are less susceptible to misunderstanding than other forms of expression, like touch, or facial expressions. But talking about sex goes beyond this: it strengthens the bond between a couple and it makes for intimacy and a relaxed attitude to sex. It reduces anxiety and it provides reassurance that your needs and wishes will be fulfilled. If you have a problem with your erections, it becomes even more important to talk about sex.

Unfortunately men often think that talking about their feelings is feminine, and a real man should be the strong, silent type. Men may not even know what they want from their partner sexually, and therefore be even further away from being able to express it.

And of course you may think that if you express what you secretly desire she will judge you for it. But the truth is this: as far as sex goes, anything and everything can be incorporated in a couple’s sex life without shame, provided that both agree and there is no coercion by one partner to get the other to agree to something they don’t like.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that just because you see what you want as somehow “wrong” for a man it is ether a bad idea to ask for it or impossible to get it. Your partner will probably be delighted to explore it with you – whatever “it” may be. 

And it’s always enjoyable to find out if you like something or not. In short there’s nothing unmanly about asking for what you want, no matter how off-beat it may seem to you. Communication is even more important when it comes to sexual problems like erection problems.

Furthermore, there’s no harm in telling your partner that she’s doing something you don’t like. If she touches you in a way you don’t like, or sucks your cock when you don’t want her to, for heaven’s sake tell her. The same goes for anything else that happens between you in your sex life! This kind of communication is essential to sex, erection problems and erectile dysfunction in particular.

You may be laboring under the illusion that a woman should know exactly what you want and be able to provide it for you, even when you don’t communicate it directly. The reality is that she will never know exactly what you want – and in any case it is your responsibility to tell her. You certainly can’t blame her for your erection problem if you’ve never communicated your wishes, needs and desires to her. Nor, indeed if you have never examined the archetypal shadows with you that may be causing the problem.

There are many examples that would serve to show how inhibited a couple can be about their sexual needs, even when they have spent years having sex. For example – do you know if your partner masturbates, and how often? Why not check it out with her?

Needless to say, it’s just as important that a woman communicates her wishes and needs to you, especially if you’re not very sexually experienced. But you can help that process by talking to her, by asking her what she wants. This is just another example of how good communication is essential for helping a couple to solve sexual problems including erectile dysfunction.

There’s another compelling reason to engage in a healthy dialogue about sex with your partner. If you never talk to each other about sex, you are likely to spend a lot of time fantasizing and worrying about what is going on for her, whether you are satisfying her, what you should be doing, and so on. This energy takes you away from being in the moment, and just “doing it”. Being in the moment solves all kinds of problems for you both.

Points to check:

• Do you know enough about female sexual anatomy?

• Does she know enough about your sexual anatomy?

• Have you spent time looking at each other’s sex organs?

• Are you willing to spend time looking at your partner’s sex organs in a non-sexual way, as if you were doing a medical examination? Are you willing to ask her to show them to you? If not, why not?

• Is she embarrassed about the idea of you discussing your erection, how you feel about your erection problems, and how she feels about the lack of your hard penis, able to penetrate her? If so, is she relaxed about sex, or does she have an up-tight attitude contributing to your sexual issues?

• Has she tries to make you erect with oral sex? Has she asked you if this would help you to  become more aroused and work towards solving your erection problems?

• Have you explored your partner’s vagina with a finger, found her G spot, tasted her vaginal juices, and breathed deeply of her intimate scents? (Has she tasted her own finger after she’s had it inside her vagina?) Does this make you more or less aroused? Does it help your erection or not?

• Has she explained to you the difference between stimulating her clitoris and her vagina, and how this feels to her?

Asking for what you want as a first step to solving erection problems

Why not try something simple which will help you communicate your desires and wishes to your partner?

Take a piece of paper each and tear it into five pieces. Write on each piece one thing that you would like your partner to do for you, then place them all in a hat and draw one out in turn each time you have sex. The partner who has made the request can then have his or her wishes fulfilled by the other one. This is not only a great way to say what you want but a good way to get talking about your sexual desires and wishes.

As a development of this, you can agree to make a request of each other every time you have sex, alternately, first one partner and then the other. In this way you will develop greater ease and comfort when making your sexual wishes clear and when talking about sex. All of this easier communication can only help to make things more relaxed and more intimate, an produce an environment in which you are much more likely to be able to solve your erectile problems.