Delaying Your Ejaculation
The astounding number of adverts and websites devoted to cures for fast climax in men proves what a common problem it is.
And no wonder, because making love skillfully is essential for both a good quality sexual relationship and a sexually satisfied partner.
(Here, “satisfied” means a woman can enjoy orgasms as often as she wants them during sex with her partner). And of course, you want to get sexual pleasure for yourself.
Coming too quickly when you make love can be a pretty dispiriting experience.
It can certainly make you feel like a failure in bed, it does nothing for your confidence either inside or outside the bedroom, and it can be emotionally devastating for your partner.
No wonder, when you read adverts with titles like “Don’t let her down again tonight!” How’s that supposed to make you feel? Bad, is the answer….
In all the years I’ve been working with men with a lack of bedroom stamina and their partners, I’ve seen many a woman who thinks her boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about her (the logic being: if he did care, wouldn’t he do something about his rapid orgasm?)
I’ve seen women who label their partners selfish, women who think their men are angry, women who think it must somehow be their fault, or that their man doesn’t love them….. and so on, and on, and on.
My conclusions: women don’t know how much of a challenge PE is for a man…. and men never discuss it with women, probably because they are embarrassed about it. This is not good.
And, as you will know, if you have a tendency to come too quickly, none of these things is (usually) true.
Not being able to last longer in bed feels like it’s completely out of your control; you probably have no idea how to go about stopping premature ejaculation. In fact, you’re probably as frustrated by it as your partner is.
Because, in my experience, most men who ejaculate quickly want nothing more than to stop it happening again.
But the problem is, whenever you try to enjoy sex, you may well feel your orgasm approaching suddenly, often unexpectedly, before you ejaculate without much, if any, control.
So why does this happen?
Uncontrollable ejaculation is almost always caused by your body getting too aroused, too quickly, during sexual foreplay or intercourse.
And then, suddenly, in a flash, you move across your point of no return, you feel the impending climax and then, helplessly, you shoot your load. All too suddenly.
To be told it’s about being angry with your woman, or that it happens because you don’t love or respect your partner, or that you’re being selfish, is just adding insult to injury.
In fact, most men with PE – at least in my experience as a sex therapist – are actually very loving, and want to give their partner a good time for as long as possible in bed.
So what about a cure? Being relaxed with your partner and confident about your sexual abilities is a great start. So any technique which “reprograms” your beliefs about how good or bad you are in bed is a great start.
Feeling relaxed and intimate with your partner is another big boost because a loving and reassuring woman can do much to make a man feel good about himself, and that is a big step to feeling more in control during sex.
And there is more to it, as I guess you might expect. To have good ejaculatory control you need to know how aroused you are, how near the point of no return, how to slow down your rush towards orgasm, and how to lower your arousal… and, yes, of course that takes practice, and some persistence….. but how much better to slowly develop control than rush blindly into orgasm every time you go to bed (usually just as your partner begins to get aroused).
I put up with PE for far too long, until I’d had enough and decided to stop it. As it happens, I also changed career and trained as a professional sex therapist, which did help!
Now, I am sharing the exact same techniques which helped me, in a treatment program which will help all men who just don’t last long enough in bed. Click here to find out all about it.