Falling in Love Again

The powerful experience of falling in love is something that each and every one of us wants to do during our lives – unless of course we are so damaged that we can’t find any human relationship possible.

A friend said to me, years ago, something to the effect that if we’re not in a relationship we’re all looking for one, and if we are in a relationship we’re all looking to make it better.

At the time I didn’t really understand this, because I think at the time I was in a place of great difficulty in establishing relationships, but over the years I’ve come to see what he said is true.

The essence of a good relationship is being able to empathise and connect with your partner in a way that makes them open up to you so there is an experience of shared intimacy.

That shared intimacy is undoubtedly a development of the intimacy that develops (automatically) between child and mother (and father) when the baby is born. Indeed, this is the primal model for all our later relationships, and it’s the primal model for falling in love which we take through life. Let me explain.

When a baby is born, she or he is entirely dependent on mother for food, for well-being, and indeed for its very survival, so the baby makes every effort to make the mother bond with it, to make the mother fall in love with it.

It does this by smiling, by gurgling, by enjoying sensual touch, and by mirroring its mother’s (and of course its father’s) emotions. There’s a program in the human brain which enables this behaviour of lovers – deeply looking into each other’s eyes and enjoying sensual sharing enables a baby to fall in love with its mother – and vice versa.

Early boding with parents sets the tone for love later in life
Early boding with parents sets the tone for love later in life


When a baby falls in love with its mother, its mother falls in love with the baby, and the baby’s survival is assured. But sadly, we all know there are many babies born into the world which are not wanted – their experience after birth is negative – they don’t bond with their mother, their mother doesn’t bond with them, and their model of intimacy is forever affected thereafter.

In fact, if a baby has not bonded with its mother satisfactorily, it will pick up the message that it’s not lovable, or that it’s incapable of loving, and will carry that message through the rest of its life into adulthood.

As you may well imagine, a baby in this position is going to experience great difficulty in forming intimate relationships as an adult.

Indeed, she or he may avoid the pain of adult relationships because the experience it had as a child was so painful.

There’s a deep wound to what we call the lover archetype, the part of the individual that holds the loving and sexual energy so necessary for connection with another human being.

In the situation where somebody has a deeper or lesser wound to the lover archetype, their ability to form a relationship with another adult, at least a relationship of strength and equality, will be impacted.

There are ways to overcome this of course in adulthood and there are many therapists and therapies available to deal with these problems.

The point I’m making is not so much that you can overcome these difficulties, as to indicate the ways in which these difficulties may affect your desire to have a relationship in the first place.

You see, if you’re experiencing a desperate need to fall in love, or a desperate need to have someone fall in love with you, then it’s likely that you have some kind of emotional wound or difficulty in your lover, and it will impact the way in which you express your desire to be loved.

And of course there are plenty of good ways to love, all of which can express your intimate whole adult self openly and honestly to a relationship or sexual partner.

coital alignment technique provides mutual pleasure
Mutual sexual pleasure is vital in a relationship

One good way of recovering your natural innate human ability to love, is simply being in a loving relationship that is open and honest, where each partner is working towards the benefit and growth of the other, as well as their own growth and individuation.

And there are other aspects to any human relationship.

Sexuality is a massively important aspect of sexual and emotional relationships between adult human. And it’s fair to say that if you want someone to fall in love with you you probably also want to have a sexual relationship with them.

Sidebar – a video diversion about love

You can discover the truth about sexual enjoyment here. Many of us are restricted in our level of sensual and sensuous pleasure, not fully sensing the level of sexual pleasure that we’re entitled to as human beings.

If you want to know how to pleasure a woman, there’s plenty of information here. (If you don’t understand what pleasure a woman means, it means taking her to orgasm – and sure, it’s equally true that a woman can pleasure a man – indeed men look to women for sensual experience because women tend spend more of their time and invest more of their emotional energy in the lover archetype than men do.)

But essentially sexual pleasure is about enjoying not only an intimate sexual relationship, but about constantly striving to enjoy better and better orgasms, so that the pleasure you can gain from your intimate relationship increases naturally as time goes by.

You see, many people don’t make an effort to increase their sexual pleasure, indeed a lot of men don’t make any effort at all to pleasure their female partner, expecting her to provide them with sexual fulfilment while offering none in return.

But the best way of being in a loving relationship is to offer and receive mutual sexual pleasure, and to understand that between the two of you, the potential for human expression of sexuality is almost infinite.

There is also a way of expressing sex that becomes transcendent, taking you into a spiritual realm. We won’t deal with that here, but the point I wish to make is that the level of sexual pleasure which most people experience is far below the potential sexual pleasure that a couple in love are capable of feeling for each other.

To enjoy your full birthright as a human being with sensual pleasure, it’s worthwhile learning those sexual techniques which expand the bounds of possibility beyond what you’ve already learnt in your previous relationships, with your previous partners.

Coital Alignment Technique

The coital alignment technique is a special way of making love, a modified missionary position, which men and women can use to enable the woman to experience a way of making love which leads to orgasm during sex.

Good sex depends on the coital alignment technique
An ideal position for mutual orgasm – but it’s not the coital alignment technique.

One of the advantages of this is that sex becomes more intimate and rewarding for a couple, and they both find that the reward of reaching orgasm greatly enhances their experience of being together both in and out of bed.

As you can imagine, this leads to a mutual exchange of loving feelings, as well as the simple reward and good sense of a shared experience which has resulted in mutual orgasm – perhaps even simultaneous orgasm.

The unfortunate thing is that although there are many resources on the Internet about how to use the coital alignment technique, it’s somehow shrouded in obscurity and mystery when you read the descriptions!

It’s not an easy technique to master because it’s so counter to the way that we naturally learn to make love, and indeed perhaps also to the instincts that we bring to making love (women – to submit; men to dominate, “take” and ejaculate as fast as possible).

In the CAT the male partners, instead of thrusting in and out of their partner, are encouraged to take a sexual position on their partner in which their penis enters her vagina at a more vertical angle, and to move differently: instead of thrusting in and out, to adopt a rocking motion which leads to the movement of the penis up and down inside the woman’s vagina.

coital alignment technique
Coital alignment technique

This may sound counterintuitive, perhaps even a little peculiar, but the object of the exercise is very clear: it’s to make the man’s pubic area, in particular his pubic bone and possibly also the base of his penile shaft, come into contact with the woman’s clitoral area, or more specifically her clitoral head. 

This will bring her to orgasm.

The repeated rocking motion, which has to be adapted so that it’s at a level of intensity which is pleasurable for the woman, can lead to a much longer period of intercourse because the man does not thrust deeply (which tends to make him ejaculate fast); instead it leads to a gradual buildup of pressure on her clitoris at an intensity that can bring her to orgasm much more easily.

Clearly there are many advantages to this. However, some people try the coital alignment technique and then quickly abandon it because they don’t find it easy to use in practice.

But, with persistence and a degree of sophisticated lovemaking, it is true that the coital alignment technique will bring the woman to orgasm during intercourse, lead to simultaneous orgasm, and indeed, take you both to a new experience of sex…..

What this means is that the man and woman can experience a kind transcendental state during sex, which is something very unlike the kind of sex which produces normal orgasm.

It’s a kind of breaking of boundaries, the unification of the two people into one, and a movement into the spiritual dimension of sex which is often talked about, but rarely experienced.

Whether or not you want to reach the spiritual dimension during sex is, of course, a matter of personal choice and taste, because you may be satisfied with the sexual relationship that you have!

However the coital alignment technique can definitely improve the enjoyment of sex for a woman, even if you’re not interested in moving into the spiritual dimension.

By bringing her to orgasm in this way, a man makes sex much more intense and rewarding for a woman, and it follows therefore that she’s going to enjoy sex much more.

And so is he. But the natural place of woman is in the Lover archetype, which is all about feeling, flow, and connection.

For a man who is in a sexual relationship with a woman, to have his partner and lover find enjoying sex as much as much as he is can be a transformative experience; it’s definitely a bonding experience within the relationship, and the mechanics of the coital alignment technique can lead to developments in the relationship which go far beyond physical pleasure.

Love and connection

Love and connection are all about mutual intimacy and sensuality – and in no way can sexual intercourse be said to involve mutual sensuality and connection if the woman is not reaching orgasm on a regular basis.

Indeed, for those relationships where the man is simply taking his pleasure at the expense of the woman, making no effort to ensure she reaches orgasm in return, it’s definitely a major improvement to be able to use the alignment technique, because it offers the pleasure of satisfaction and sexual fulfilment for both partners.

coital alignment technique provides mutual pleasure
Mutual pleasure is everything in sex

Now, you may not be particularly interested in satisfying your partner right now, but the simple fact  is that when men and women make love, there should be a mutuality, a sense of mutual affection and love, a willingness to provide as well as take, a willingness to satisfy, and indeed, an expectation on the woman’s part that she will have an orgasm.

If your relationship is in difficulties, then the coital alignment technique can make it better; if your relationship is working well, the coital alignment technique can make it even better; and, remember also, we are all entitled to achieve as much sexual pleasure as possible.

It is our right to extend our sexual pleasure to limits of our sexual capacity, and to experience what our bodies are capable of…. this is a God-given source of mutual satisfaction.

You can find instructions all over the Internet on how best to use the coital alignment technique, but some of the best have been provided here – this is where you will find clear instructions, together with videos, photographs and demonstrations of the coital alignment technique, together with a video program that will enable you to become an excellent lover and satisfy your partner, hopefully on every occasion you get into bed together!

And if you’re still doubting that the coital alignment technique has any validity for you, just read the comments from these people who tried it!



Great ideas for better sex

When you’re looking for a way of achieving more fun (which probably means more orgasms!) in your sex life, the best way is to think of your partner’s pleasure first.

So for me, what this means is making sure than my female partner always has an orgasm before I enter her…. what you may not know is that many women (probably all women, in fact) like to enjoy feeling their man inside them after they have had an orgasm.

Sex for women is different to sex for men – once a woman has had an orgasm, she is most likely still going to be ready to enjoy more sexual contact, whereas, as you most likely know, once  man has had an orgasm…. well, that tends to signal the end of sex for the day!

So any man who is concerned with his partner’s pleasure will take the time to ensure that she has an orgasm before he does. and furthermore, if he genuinely looks out for her pleasure, he will be always trying to give her the best orgasm he can… which may include a squirting or ejaculating orgasm.

Now, many women will say that they are not interested in the finer points of squirting (also known as gushing) orgasms, but the truth is that once a woman has experienced this phenomenon, she is likely to find that her continued development means the production of Amrita (or female ejaculate) is a natural step along the road of sexual pleasure.

So men can score highly with their womenfolk by learning how to give a woman a squirting orgasm, and taking her to the highest levels of pleasure before enjoying their own ejaculation during intercourse.

Get a body like this with the Adonis Golden Ratio
Get a body like this with the Adonis Golden Ratio

Now, the question arises – how are you going to do this? To start with, men should always be as fit as possible. It goes without saying, perhaps, that the fitter and healthier you are, the more sex drive you will have, and the more ability you will have to pleasure your partner and to turn her on in the first place. You will find that the Adonis Ratio Diet is a fitness program for men which is more than able to fulfill all those objectives.

Another answer is to take the video training program available from OrgasmArts.com. This is all about men learning how to pleasure a woman effectively. Check out their  female orgasm videos here.

That video will effectively allow you to learn the art of vaginal stimulation so that you can bring a woman to the peak of pleasure – but for full information on the ultimate pleasure that you can give a woman, you need to check out “How to make a woman squirt” – well, what are you waiting for? Check out how to make a woman gush now.

Now, of course some of you men reading this will be thinking, “well, can this really be true?” And I understand your doubts. There’s a tendency on the part of all men to think that vaginal intercourse is just as pleasurable for the woman as it is for the man, but sadly that is not true… many women don’t actually like vaginal intercourse and put up with it only for the sake of the pleasure it brings their men.

Good sex depends on ejaculation control
An ideal position for ejaculation control

So what you can do here is to consistently improve your sexual skills and by doing so, show your partner that you are very interested in her welfare and that you love her. If you want to know more about the reality of squirting or gushing orgasm, you can find out more here. The ultimate answer, however, to each couple’s sexual pleasure, is for communication to be consistent, open and honest. By telling each other what you want and ensuring that the lines of communication remain open, you will ensure that your sex life remains fun filled and happy.

For Men: How To Last Longer In Bed & Delay Ejaculation

I’m often asked what are the key factors, for men, that enable them to last longer in bed?

I think the first, and maybe the most important, thing is that you don’t have expectations which are too high.

For example, did you know that the average time that men can control their orgasm during sex, before they ejaculate, is only 90 seconds?

That figure is not very well known, but it certainly shows that the majority of men have either not learned to delay their ejaculation, or are naturally fast ejaculators, or perhaps don’t care about how long they last in bed.

After all, for men, sex is a rewarding activity whether it lasts 30 seconds or 90 seconds – or at least that’s what we all think.

But I wonder if that’s because we’ve all been exposed to the idea that any kind of ejaculation, any kind of orgasm, is a good one?

One of the things we grow up with during adolescence and young adulthood (and possibly even as older men) is a habit of fast ejaculation, of masturbating as quickly as possible, and often furtively, just to relieve our sexual tension.

I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but it’s certainly unhelpful in lovemaking because it establishes a pattern of behaviour that does not enable men to last a long time in bed when enjoying sex with a woman.

But the reality is actually rather different: to start with, most women who enjoy sexual intercourse with their man appreciate an extended period of contact and closeness.

After all, there’s nothing more intimate for a woman than allowing her man to penetrate her and hold him close. It’s often said that men need sex to feel love, but I think the same is often true for women, in the sense that they get a greater sense of intimacy and connection with a man while making love.

Secondly, if a woman has any chance at all of reaching orgasm during intercourse, she’s going to need more than 90 seconds of penetration and thrusting to achieve that, unless she’s extremely aroused when a man enters her.

To reach orgasm in 90 seconds she’ll need to be so aroused that the act of penetration tips her over into orgasm.

And thirdly, most interestingly of all to me, is the fact that sex which lasts longer actually produces better orgasms for men (orgasm is a release of tension, and the more tension, the better the orgasmic release….and the longer sex lasts, the greater the tension…you get the idea, I’m sure).

This raises the very interesting question of why men appear not to try particularly hard to last longer in bed.

Most men who seek out a cure for premature ejaculation, or a way to delay their ejaculation, do so because they’re embarrassed about coming so quickly.

The sense of shame that they experience, or the embarrassment they feel when they can only make love to woman for a short time, is such that they want to do something about it…

But the reality is, as the statistic of 90 seconds’ average duration of intercourse proves, that not so many men appear to be particularly successful at this.

So we have a paradox: we men feel anxious about coming too soon, we feel ashamed or guilty or like we are letting our partners down – or perhaps our sexual self-confidence is reduced – when we do come too quickly, and we certainly know that our female sexual partners would like us to last much longer in bed – so why don’t we actually learn how to do this?

I think the answer lies in a couple of simple facts. First of all ejaculation is so rewarding.

As somebody once said, “There’s no such thing as bad ejaculation, it’s just that some are better than others.”

The second thing is that ejaculation control takes persistence and effort, and in the face of an increasingly intense desire to simply ejaculate as hard and fast as possible (which is what we instinctually feel when we start making love), it can be quite hard to apply the principles that you’ve learned in ejaculation control training.

We can thank Mother Nature for her desire to see us fertilize our partners’ eggs for that one!

So, in practice, any premature ejaculation treatment, any system that bills itself as a way  to last longer in bed for men, has to do several things.

It has to provide techniques that are practical and realistic, as well as being easy to use when you’re actually making love.

It has to be simple and effective, so that it doesn’t take a man’s mind off what he’s doing when he’s making love.

And it actually has to be flexible enough that it can be used by men whose needs are slightly different.

It’s important to understand that there is a difference between delayed ejaculation and premature ejaculation, which is very significant.

Delayed ejaculation is a condition in which a man finds it difficult or indeed impossible to ejaculate during sexual intercourse, and it’s a condition which is in many ways the opposite of premature ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation means a lack of ejaculatory control, or rather, that a man is unable to control the rate at which his sexual arousal increases – so much so that he reaches the point of ejaculatory inevitability uncontrollably, and ejaculates long before he or his partner wishes him to do so.

In general, premature ejaculation seems to be caused by repressed anger or fear, specifically directed towards or against women. The control of ejaculation that can be developed by using techniques of muscular control, desensitization to arousal, and greater tolerance of sexual  stimuli can all develop some degree of control, but to maintain this is a lifelong battle.

In general, men with delayed ejaculation are unable to ejaculate, and will find that no matter what they do, to stimulate themselves, they don’t get to the point of ejaculatory inevitability – in other words, their arousal does not increase anything like fast enough to ensure that they can get to a point where the ejaculatory reflex is triggered.


Overcome Premature Ejaculation

OK men, listen up!

I’m going to tell you a few home truths now that premature ejaculation. This may make uncomfortable reading, but I think it’s something you need to hear.

First of all, you need to ask yourself if you’re experiencing premature ejaculation because you’re sexually inexperienced.

And of course in one sense you probably are: after all, the frequency of premature ejaculation in men with a great deal of sexual experience is considerably lower than it is amongst a sexually naive population, who tend to be young men with a high sex drive.

Naturally enough, having a high sex drive is in itself a factor that tends to predispose men to ejaculate quickly. One of the other factors that is often not taken into account is the rather obvious, but nonetheless noteworthy fact that being with a naked woman, knowing you’re about to have sex with her can be extremely exciting – ie.e sexually arousing.

There are two reasons for this. One is the prospect of actually having sex and ejaculating inside a woman (that’s exciting, yes?), and the other is the fact that you’ve never done it before.

In other words, there’s an element of unfamiliarity which predisposes men to ejaculate far too quickly during intercourse.

I’d like to propose a radical and rather interesting solution to this difficulty: that is to say, that you might use the material available on the Internet, sexually explicit material, both videos of people making love, and educational websites that will explain to you the female anatomy, to become more familiar with what you’re actually going to be experiencing first-hand, before you actually get into bed with a woman.

You might think this may not make much difference but I can assure you that it will make several differences.

Used correctly, this technique actually massively increase your confidence, because you’re actually familiar with the genitalia of the woman, which means you have a great deal more confidence about what to do physically.

If you’ve been wise enough to watch material which educates you about oral sex techniques, or masturbation techniques, then you’re very likely to be able to ensure that you take your partner to orgasm, which will eliminate any concerns you may have about intercourse lasting a very brief time.

Let’s face it, no matter how well-intentioned you are, if you’re making love for the first time, then intercourse is not going to last very long.

In short, you’re going to ejaculate extremely quickly regardless of what you do, and the way that you get round this problem, is to satisfy the woman — i.e. give her an orgasm — before you even get into her.

So here are some resources that might be helpful. The first one is a resource which you can actually use to look at clitoris pictures, so that you’re familiar with the object of your desire and the second resource is that a website specifically about a program that is designed to help you last longer in bed.

It’s a review of ejaculation by command review, which is a program by Lloyd Lester that has achieved a great deal of popularity and success due to the fact that it helps men overcome premature ejaculation comparatively easily and in a very short space of time.

Now that’s very exciting, but you don’t have to take my word for it, because if you look on the Internet you’ll find plenty of websites which actually demonstrate you the great success of this program.

I know independent reviews are few and far between on the Internet, because most of them tend to be mere sales pitches. However, ejaculation by command has achieved notoriety, or rather, is achieved fame, simply because actually delivers on its promises.

Using a combination of techniques that involve self hypnosis, sexual techniques, and reprogramming your mind to be absolutely confident about your sexual ability, you’ll find ejaculation by command allows you to make love for much longer. Indeed, in my experience it’s not unusual for men to extend the duration of lovemaking from two minutes to 20 minutes.

Only by using the correct techniques can you do this, and in my opinion, one of the most important aspects of the whole ejaculation control scenario is your intention to last longer in bed.

Unless you actually have a clear intention to last longer in bed, you’re not likely to succeed in extending the duration of intercourse. The first question you ask yourself, therefore, must be: do I really mean to last longer in bed? Does it matter to me to satisfy my partner by giving her a long-lasting sexual intercourse?

Another extremely exciting aspect of ejaculation by command is the fact that it contains 15 emergency techniques which you can use the control your ejaculation during lovemaking today.

These are techniques which are guaranteed to work almost instantly, giving you far greater power and control in bed than you ever expected or imagined possible. You may be wondering if there emergency techniques that are so successful why you can’t use them on a permanent basis!

The answer to that is that you want to be able to make love without even thinking about what you’re doing, and the emergency techniques do require you to focus, to some degree, on the activity of lovemaking and what’s happening in the moment.

Jason Julius Orgasm Arts

Jason Julius is a sex educator who has developed a wide following on the Internet with his website orgasmarts.com. Find out about his program for easy female orgasm by clicking on the link in the right hand column. >>>>>

His main idea is to educate men who wish to know how to bring women to orgasm easily without any of the difficulty traditionally associated with female sexual pleasure.

What this means in practice is an easy and simple system of female stimulation using both clitoral and G spot sensitivity to bring a woman to orgasm without any difficulty or delay.

Jason explains in his system exactly how it is possible for a man to identify when a woman is ready for vaginal and clitoral stimulation, and when she’s ready for penetration to allow her G spot to be stimulated.

Using models, Jason adeptly and adroitly offers an illustrated guide to men who wish to know how to stimulate women successfully during sexual intercourse or foreplay, so they can enjoy the pleasure of an orgasm every time a couple make love.

oa-banner2Reviews of Jason Julius’s program “Orgasm Arts” are universally favourable, and indicated degree of acceptance and understanding by mail readers which has brought him a new level of fame and recognition as one of the internet’s most accessible sexual educators.

The truth is, of course, that few if any of the people who set themselves up on the Internet as sex educators have any real qualifications, no matter how valuable their knowledge may be, and this tends to reduce their credibility.

Jason is different in this regard he speaks from a humble position of willingness to provide information to men who sexual education may be lacking in certain areas. As they say, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, and nowhere is this more true than in experimentation with sexual techniques.

You may, by downloading and using Jason Julius’s program, find out more about female sexual sensitivity and how to pleasure a woman than you would in many years of experimentation with in your relationship.

org2The reason for this is that within most relationships, communication is often limited, especially around intimate matters like sexual pleasure. By establishing a series of techniques to provide a man with more confidence about the arts orgasm, and how to establish a female orgasm blueprint before sex begins, it’s possible for a couple to reach a state of intimacy which then allows them to develop closer and more connected communication.

While we are traditionally led to believe that sexual intimacy comes from good communication, the reality is that sexual intimacy can promote good communication, simply because people will feel more connected once they’re in a couple where sexual pleasure is well established.

So what does this amount to? First of all, Jason Julius explains the techniques necessary to pleasure a woman using sexual stimulation of the G spot, after which he goes into a series of modules in his program all of which are designed to establish a blueprint for the female orgasm.

org11partNow if you think that it’s difficult for a woman to reach orgasm during intercourse, think again! All you have to know is what to do in different circumstances!

Check out the link in the column to the right for the complete information!

Have a look at the contents listed below and consider whether knowing all of this information would help you to establish greater confidence with women, and a greater likelihood of being able to bring them to orgasm during sexual intercourse!

All this information is covered by Jason Julius in his programme Orgasm Arts, and I’m sure you’ll agree with me that it’s a comprehensive review of female sexuality, all of which is designed to help men take women to orgasm:

Module 01: Mindset For Approaching Orgasms
Module 02: Guiding Her Mind
Module 03: Female Anatomy
Module 04: Clitoral Orgasms
Module 05: G-Spot Orgasms
Module 06: A-Spot Orgasms
Module 07: Oral Sex
Module 08: Squirting Orgasms
Module 09: Troubleshooting
Module 10: Forever Orgasms (Additional Techniques)

You’ll have observed that this isn’t just about physical stimulation. You will have noticed that is a lot of information here about the mindset that a woman needs to be in before she reaches orgasm.

org13partWhether you realize it or not, it’s actually vitally important for a woman to feel safe with the man she is making love to, feel sensuous and confident in her own body, and to feel that the man loves her, or at least respects her, before she is able to reach orgasm easily.

Now if all of this frightens you, my suggestion is that you read the information in Jason Julius’s manual, because it isn’t really very complicated, but it may well be information that you’ve never come across or even understood about female and male sexuality.

When you’re armed with information about the female mindset that can take women to orgasm as well as information about how to stimulate a woman physically so as to make the transfer reaching orgasm as high as possible, you’ll be able to go into the bedroom armed with the knowledge that you are a lover who literally would be desired by any woman!

Effective Ejaculation Control

When a man is sensitive to the level of arousal in his body, and can feel the beginning of the fluttering of the muscles of the pelvis, as they prepare for ejaculation and orgasm, he will be better able to control premature ejaculation.

So as his arousal increases, and sensations of contraction of the muscles of the pelvis become more clear, significant but short lived contraction of the pubococcygeal muscle by the man – under voluntary control – will inhibit his increase in arousal.

You may well have seen that a number of ejaculation control programs suggest that it’s possible to control ejaculation by strengthening the pubococcygeal muscle and then using it to clamp down as the process of ejaculation commences.

I’ve researched the matter thoroughly and I can assure you that there is absolutely no possibility of controlling ejaculation by clamping down with the PC muscle.

For one thing, it doesn’t actually stop the process of ejaculation: if it works at all, it only works to stop the semen being emitted from the end of the penis.

What this means is that while contracting the PC muscle hard, you lose the pleasure of orgasm, you don’t control your ejaculation, and you also lose your erection.

However the interesting thing is that there is a way to use the pubococcygeal muscle as a means of ejaculation control when you’re learning to overcome premature ejaculation.

What you should actually be doing is contracting the muscle briefly at regular intervals in the run-up to the point of no return.

That is to say, as you become more aroused, you can increase the contractions of the pubococcygeal muscle voluntarily: do so with a short, sharp inbreath – and then expel the air that you’ve inhaled as you release the muscle in short sharp gasps.

This combination of physical and breathing work will significantly reduce your arousal, interrupting the increase in your arousal and your rapid movement towards the point of no return.

It’s not entirely clear why this works, although contracting the muscle in this way as you become more aroused will always cause a significant or noticeable decrease in the strength of your erection.

My assumption is that as your erection diminishes, the stimulation that the penis receives diminishes, and so therefore does your arousal as well.

It’s actually a well-known Tantric technique for ejaculation control, and well worth practicing at home if you desire to find a way of controlling ejaculation during sex with your partner.

Admittedly, this requires patience and tolerance and understanding on your partner’s part as well, so it’s worth while researching this and explaining what you’re going to do with her before you actually commence.

How to control premature ejaculation during intercourse?

Well, the classic advice is to find a sexual position in which the penis receives less stimulation, so you have a chance of lasting longer before you ejaculate.

Much has been written on the subject, and the various merits of different sexual positions been debated extensively in Internet forums and elsewhere.

What I can tell you with great certainty, however, is that whichever positions you find most arousing will be the ones that are least enabling of ejaculation control.

The positions that you find least arousing, either psychologically or physically — that is to say, they may place less pressure on your penis, and therefore provide less neural stimulation — are the ones where you’ll be able to last longer.

We can probably assume that rear entry is a no-no for most men who are learning to control premature ejaculation, simply because it is so arousing.

The same might also be true of the man on top position, which has the capacity to arouse and excite in a way that few other positions have.

This is because the muscular effort exerted to keep your weight off your woman as you lie on top of her or position yourself on top of her increases the amount of tension in your body.

Since orgasm is actually primarily the release of tension through muscular contraction and then spontaneous waves of contraction and relaxation, you can see that any position which increases bodily tension is likely to shorten the time between penetration and ejaculation.

This means the sitting positions and side-by-side positions are best to control ejaculation, and this is actually borne out by the reports that men have given me as to how effective they can be in learning ejaculation control.

I strongly recommend that you use the side-by-side position if you wish to gain greater ejaculation control.

You will find when you practice that you can start in the man on top position and then turn onto your sides, in this way giving the woman plenty of pleasure and decreasing the s amount of pressure that is on your penis significantly.

Interestingly enough, this is a position which will place less pressure on your penis and allow you to last longer, while not depriving your woman of much pleasure.

It’s ideal for ejaculation control because it allows you to lie still, talk to each other, caress all the other parts of the body, but in particular, for a man with premature ejaculation lying still in this way will prove to be a very effective means of ejaculation control.

The rationale is that he’s not receiving much stimulation to his penis, and so therefore he is much less likely to ejaculate.

Penetration cannot be particularly deep in this position, which gives a man another resource to ensure that he doesn’t come too soon. All in all this is an excellent technique for ejaculation control.

Summary: the techniques below can give a man effective ejaculation control…

1)  masturbation training to become familiar with sensations of the body before the point of no return and during the run-up to ejaculation

2) vaginal acclimatization

3) choosing the correct sex position and

4) muscular control of the pubococcygeal muscle.

By combining all these techniques in various ways, you are likely to be able to establish complete control of ejaculation within only a few weeks.

Don’t Let Her Down Again Tonight!

Premature Ejaculation Treatment

Couple who have cured premature ejaculation

The astounding number of adverts and websites devoted to curing premature ejaculation proves what a common problem it is.

And no wonder, because making love skillfully is essential for both a good quality sexual relationship and a sexually satisfied partner.

(Here, “satisfied” means a woman can enjoy orgasms as often as she wants them during sex with her partner). And of course, you want to get sexual pleasure for yourself.

Coming too quickly when you make love can be a pretty dispiriting experience.

It can certainly make you feel like a failure in bed, it does nothing for your confidence either inside or outside the bedroom, and it can be emotionally devastating for your partner.

No wonder, when you read adverts with titles like “Don’t let her down again tonight!” How’s that supposed to make you feel? Bad, is the answer….

In all the years I’ve been working with men with premature ejaculation and their partners, I’ve seen many a woman who thinks her boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about her (the logic being: if he did care, wouldn’t he do something about his rapid ejaculation?)

I’ve seen women who label their partners selfish, women who think their men are angry, women who think it must somehow be their fault, or that their man doesn’t love them….. and so on, and on, and on.

My conclusions: women don’t know how much of a challenge PE is for a man…. and men never discuss it with women, probably because they are embarrassed about it. This is not good.

And, as you will know, if you have a tendency to come too quickly, none of these things is (usually) true.

Not being able to last longer in bed feels like it’s completely out of your control; you probably have no idea how to go about stopping premature ejaculation. In fact, you’re probably as frustrated by it as your partner is.

Because, in my experience, most men who ejaculate quickly want nothing more than to stop it happening again.

But the problem is, whenever you try to enjoy sex, you may well feel your orgasm approaching suddenly, often unexpectedly, before you ejaculate without much, if any, control.

So why does this happen? Premature ejaculation is almost always caused by your body getting too aroused, too quickly, during sexual foreplay or intercourse.

And then, suddenly, in a flash, you move across your point of no return, you feel the impending ejaculation and then, helplessly, you shoot your load. All too suddenly.

To be told it’s about being angry with your woman, or that it happens because you don’t love or respect your partner, or that you’re being selfish, is just adding insult to injury.

In fact, most men with PE – at least in my experience as a sex therapist – are actually very loving, and want to give their partner a good time for as long as possible in bed.

So what about a cure? Being relaxed with your partner and confident about your sexual abilities is a great start. So any technique which “reprograms” your beliefs about how good or bad you are in bed is a great start.

Feeling relaxed and intimate with your partner is another big boost because a loving and reassuring woman can do much to make a man feel good about himself, and that is a big step to feeling more in control during sex.

And there is more to it, as I guess you might expect. To have good ejaculatory control you need to know how aroused you are, how near the point of ejaculatory inevitability, how to slow down your rush towards orgasm, and how to lower your arousal… and, yes, of course that takes practice, and some persistence….. but how much better to slowly develop control than rush blindly into orgasm every time you go to bed (usually just as your partner begins to get aroused).

I put up with premature ejaculation for far too long, until I’d had enough and decided to stop it. As it happens, I also changed career and trained as a professional sex therapist, which did help!

Now, I am sharing the exact same techniques which helped me, in a treatment program which will help all men who just don’t last long enough in bed. Click here to find out all about it.

Treatment Of Premature Ejaculation

The physician charged with the treatment of premature ejaculation (PE) has a range of options. But before deciding the appropriate treatment, it is important to distinguish PE as a ‘complaint’ or as a ‘syndrome’.

Many years ago, scientists classified PE into ‘lifelong PE’ and ‘acquired PE’. More recently, a new group of scientists have proposed further classifications, based on controlled clinical and epidemiological stopwatch experiments. Two other PE syndromes were included, called ‘natural variable PE’ and ‘premature-like ejaculatory dysfunction’.

Basically, there are two forms of treatment for PE, medication or therapy.

Before deciding on the form of treatment the ‘Intravaginal ejaculation latency time’ (IELT) should be  measured by the man’s partner, using a stop watch to time intercourse from the beginning of penetration to the point of his climax.

Only those men with a result of 1 to 1.5 minutes should require medication as a primary option, perhaps with therapy as well. For other sufferers, the treatment should be based on patient reassurance and education, behavior therapy, and perhaps psychoeducation to find the causes of irregular early ejaculation.

Here are some of the many medications available. Dapoxetine (Priligy) is a fast acting selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) created especially for the treatment of premature ejaculation, and is the only drug with specific regulatory approval for such a tratment. At present it is approved in several European countries, including Germany, Portugal, Finland, Sweden, and Austria.

Dapoxetine is currently awaiting approval of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) after concluding the third phase of a study, which included contributions from 25 countries, including the United States.

Within this diverse population group, Dapoxetine significantly treated all aspects of PE, with few major side effects.

Tramadol (Ultram or Tramal) is an atypical oral analgesic, used for the treatment of mild pain and approved by the FDA. It is characterized atypical as it is similar to an opioid, as an agonist at the mu receptor, but also has the effect of an anti-depressant in that it increases levels of serotonin and norepinephrine.

Tramadol has very few side effects, has a low abuse potential, and increases (IELT) by a factor of four to twenty fold in more than 90% of cases.

Clomipramine (Anafranil) is commonly prescribed by physicians to treat PE. One of the drug’s properties is to help delay ejaculatory response. The Mayo Clinic have described this particular side effect as ‘Increased sexual ability, desire, drive, or performance.’

Desensitizing creams that can be applied to the tip and shaft of the penis can also be used to prevent PE. Such creams are applied on an ‘as required’ basis and have few adverse systemic side effects. But it should be explained to the patient that use of these creams may lead to insensitivity in the penis, and also a possible reduction of sensation for the sexual partner.

Breathing Properly Can Stop Premature Ejaculation

In this article, we are going to talk the importance of breathing in order to stay in control of your arousal and  a specific breathing technique that make will you last longer in bed.

You see, If you can control your breath, you can control your body.

If you were looking for a magic pill that solves all problems with no efforts on your part, well I’m sorry to tell you that such thing doesn’t exist.

Like anything of value in life, learning how to stop premature ejaculation requires some work. But breathing really is the closest thing to a magic pill.

The breath is the link between what you can’t control and what you can control in your body. For example, you can’t control your heart, you can’t tell your heart to stop beating. On the other hand, you can fully control the movements of your arms or your hands.

Breathing is somewhere in the middle. If you don’t think about breathing, you breath anyway, and that’s obviously a good thing – we don’t have to always think about breathing in order to survive!

But you can also control your breathing, focus on it and modify it in order to change what’s happening in your body. With your breathing, you can control stress and fear, and you can also control your sexual arousal and last longer during sex.

Simply using deep breathing and focusing on your breathing will allow you to decrease your arousal level significantly in no time, and at will. When I say “deep breathing”, I mean a breath that starts from the belly. Don’t breathe from your chest; it has to start from your belly.

Breathing Techniques To Last Longer In Bed For Men

Now, I want you to simply start putting all your attention on your breathing. Focus on your inhalations and your exhalations. Notice how only focusing on it makes you breathe more slowly and deeply. Notice how you already feel more relaxed, more in control of what’s happening in your body.

Now, try a few deep breaths. Again, I want you to focus only on your breathing. Visualize the air first filling your belly, then rising to your rib cage, then to your heart and then to your throat; be aware of those 4 points as you inhale.

When you exhale, just let go of all the air and relax. Don’t force the air out of your lungs but just let go. Don’t be shy – you can even make a little sound like “haaaaaaa” as you release the air.

OK, so now that you know that breathing is one of the keys to control your ejaculation, and now that you know what deep breathing is, you can incorporate it in your practice.

When you masturbate (as I teach my students), be focused on your body and your sensations. Also, be aware of your arousal and where you are on a scale of 1 to 10; it shouldn’t be too hard to focus on your breathing at the same time.

Whenever you feel your arousal going up faster than you would like, focus on your breathing and start doing deep breaths as I just described.

I can guarantee that this alone will bring your arousal back down and give you more control. 

And by the way, you can do the same during intercourse. There’s nothing wrong with focusing on your breathing or using deep breathing while making love.

It will definitely help you last longer and your partner might even find it sexy. (Especially when she realizes you’re in control and you’re present in the moment!)

But if you’re worried that she might think you’re doing something weird, why don’t you share with her what you’re trying to accomplish? She can be a great support for you, particularly when she realizes your objective is to make sex better for both of you!

So the tip I just gave you seems pretty simple right? But believe me this is effective. And it can give results instantly too! To summarize, when you feel your arousal going up, focus on your breathing, slow down your breathing and breathe fully starting by filing the belly.

This will bring your arousal back down and keep you in control. If you would like to learn more about breathing techniques and other very powerful ways to train your body and your mind to last as long as you want in bed, I have a simple, step by step video program that is available.

Tony Bonacci – Guest Writer

Ways To Last Longer In Bed For Men

I don’t want you to get despondent about the difficulties of ejaculation control: if you approach it in the right way, it’s actually not hard to learn how to last longer in bed.

The important question is: “Are you really willing to put in the effort that’s needed to slow down your sexual arousal and delay your orgasm so you can really last longer?”

You see, the fact is that in learning to last longer, intention is everything. You have to make a firm commitment to overcoming PE, and you have to practice the ejaculation control techniques with dedication.

If you’re not willing to do that, then you’re never going to learn how to slow down your orgasm. And that means that your cycle of fear, shame, embarrassment, anxiety – and fast ejaculation – will simply continue each time you make love.

On the other hand, assuming that you are indeed committed to learning to slow down and finding out how to last longer, then the good news is that there are plenty of simple techniques you can use.

In my last post I said that one of the key things about orgasm is that it’s tension releasing.

This means that the more tense you are, the faster you’ll reach orgasm.

Conversely, of course, the less tense you are, in other words, the more relaxed, both physically and mentally, you are, the more slowly you’ll reach orgasm.

To help stop tension building up, muscular relaxation techniques are a crucial part of ejaculation control training.

But it isn’t just being relaxed in your body that’s important. It’s also essential to be relaxed in your mind.

As you probably know, if you’re experiencing strong emotions like fear or anxiety, say for example about ejaculating too soon or not being able to satisfy your sexual partner, then you’re likely to come quite quickly whether you want to or not.

So mental attitude is a crucial part of overcoming premature ejaculation.

The obvious question is, how do you change your mental attitude?

How do you cope emotionally with your self-doubt and the all-too-real prospect of not, shall we say, “performing” too well in bed?

Well, you could break the vicious cycle of negative reinforcement, and one of the best ways to do this is by practising good sexual techniques, in other words learning to make love more skilfully.

Needless to say, this is best done with a partner who you love and respect, and who is willing to join in the fun with you!

That means it’s obviously helpful to be in a long-term relationship with a partner whom you trust while you’re trying to develop control of your ejaculation.

Having said that, many men are not in such a situation, but it’s still possible to gain a great deal more control of your ejaculation, and to learn some simple techniques that make it less important if you do spurt too soon (e.g. by giving her an orgasm before you even think about your own).

One of the simplest and easiest techniques to help yourself last longer in bed is to use breathing control. Surprisingly it may sound, deep breathing is a very powerful technique that can help you last much longer in bed.

For men, sex is so exciting that our bodily responses often run away with us.

You might have noticed how you become tense and excited, and your breathing becomes shallow and fast, when you’re a sexual situation. That’s a natural response, but as you can well imagine it doesn’t slow down your ejaculation or extend the period of lovemaking.

If you actually consciously intervene by breathing deeply and slowly, you’ll find that you can maintain a great deal more control over how quickly you become sexually aroused.

The next control technique, as I’ve implied before, is to maintain a level of relaxation in your body.

That means, in effect, that you need to seek out lovemaking positions which don’t put a lot of strain on your muscles and increase the muscular tension in your body during sex.

The ultimate sex position for this is the woman on top position, because you just get to lie on your back while she enjoys being dominant for once, and you enjoy the sight of her making love with you!

If she’s not willing to do this, or you’re not willing to relinquish your position of “male power” (man on top), then side-by-side lovemaking positions are a good compromise.

One sex position you should avoid more than anything is the man on top position because having to support your weight in your arms generates so much tension that you’re likely to ejaculate faster than ever; a situation not helped by the fact that you can thrust very deeply – the pelvic thrusts are another key element of rapid climax in men.

Now you may also have heard that pubococcygeus muscle training is essential for good ejaculation control.

The truth is that most of the advice about PC muscle control is very unreliable, if not downright wrong.

For men, lasting longer is all about keeping sexual arousal below the point of ejaculatory inevitability (a.k.a. the point of no return – as you know that’s the moment when you are simply going to ejaculate no matter what happens and you can’t stop the reflex occurring).

Any technique that allows you to keep your sexual arousal below the point which went to ejaculate clearly will enable you to last longer in bed. You can do this quite effectively by squeezing your PC muscle for brief periods of time.

This isn’t about stopping ejaculation once started, it’s about simply doing that – squeezing your PC muscles for brief periods of time as you begin to become more aroused what you’ll find if you do this consistently and consciously is that your erection probably fade slightly and your level of sexual arousal decreases slightly.

It’s a very effective tool: in fact, it’s one of the most effective tools for slowing down the rate which you ramp up your sexual arousal, and it can keep you on the plateau phase below the point of ejaculatory inevitability for quite some time.

Interestingly enough, what you’ll also find is that squeezing your PC muscle when you’re very near to the point of ejaculation actually speeds it up: you might have noticed that squeezing your PC muscle and tensing your body can actually bring on ejaculation.

It is paradoxical that the muscle can do two different things, but if you learn to use it wisely, you certainly can develop great ejaculation control.

And finally the other key element of ejaculation control for men in bed is maintaining focus on what’s happening.

By that I mean not being distracted by fantasy, but actually keeping your attention on yourself and your partner and actually sensing your level of arousal, her level of arousal, and the delicate interplay of sexual energy between the two.

What you’ll find if you do that is that your arousal is very closely linked to her is, and that’s fine, as long as your arousal isn’t increasing so rapidly that it exceeds hers and you reach the point of climax long before she gets. to hers.

When you’re open and sensitive to how aroused your partner is, you can apply the simple techniques described above to control your own increase in sexual arousal, so that your ejaculation is delayed.

The Art Of Lasting Longer In Bed

Why do I say the “Art Of Lasting Longer”? Well, because you need to apply a little bit of skill and creativity to lasting longer in bed. In other words, you need to find the right solution for you, and you need to use it with a little bit of commitment to lasting longer during sex.

The official website of the best program I know of, one that shows you how to stop premature ejaculation easily and quickly, can be found here: how to last longer in bed for men. Click on the link now to discover more if you don’t want to read my review of the program.

Great, so you’re still with me. Thanks for reading on. As you’ve probably seen, there are many programs on the Internet which claim to help you stop premature ejaculation. I’ve actually researched them all, and I have to say they’re pretty disappointing.

In fact, there are only one or two which actually stand out. Most of them have vast amounts of information, which is interesting up to a point, but pretty irrelevant if what you really want and need is just a practical system to help you last longer in bed.

Certainly when I was trying to cure my premature ejaculation, soon after I got into my first long-term relationship, I felt frustrated that I just didn’t seem to be able to last longer during sex no matter how hard I tried, and even more frustrated by the fact that the programs I bought just turned out to be moneymaking scams or rip-offs. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but some of the stuff out there is ridiculous – as you might already know.

In the end I chose a program which bills itself as “Staying Power”. This is a program written by a professional sex therapist with 12 years’ experience helping men overcome sexual dysfunction.

There are several things I like about it: first of all it’s simple. The instructions are easy to follow and set out specifically, so that you have a week by week program of what you have to do and how you do it.

You might be wondering what that actually is! Well, if you want to last longer in bed, there are several things you have to do. The first is that you have to take a more relaxed attitude to sex, so that your anxiety doesn’t spiral out of control, or even just so that you don’t feel nervous or apprehensive around sex.

All of those things make your adrenaline spike, which in turn makes you come more quickly. To last longer you need to be relaxed.

Therefore the program gives you complete instructions on how to be relaxed during sex, and what physical practical approaches you can take to sex that will ensure you remain relaxed.

That includes breathing exercises, physical relaxation, and the right choice of sexual positions – as well as a good section of information on the way you should think about sex.

The second thing you have to do is use a series of exercises to train your body to respond to sexual stimulation more slowly, so that you don’t become sexually aroused as quickly.

In a way this is really the key to lasting longer in bed: the author of the program illustrates every step of these exercises with photographs so you can both read and see what you have to do.

It involves things such as becoming much more “body-centred” by using sensual touch so that a large part of sex is about getting aroused in your body, rather than relying just on fantasy to get aroused.

These are exercises you can do with your partner, and they’re great fun, very erotic and very sensual. In fact these exercises alone will probably make you much more comfortable with sex and much less likely to ejaculate quickly.

The third thing is to become aware how near or far from ejaculation you are. Most men with premature ejaculation find that they come very quickly, often quite unexpectedly, and they have no control over the speed with which their ejaculation comes upon them.

By going through a series of exercises which the author of this program described in detail you can become much more sensitive to how aroused you are, so that your ejaculation is never going to creep up on you unexpectedly.

and the point of this is that once you know how near your ejaculation is, you can actually last longer in bed by doing things that slow down the increase in your level of sexual arousal.


Simple Ways To Last Longer In Bed

Looking for some emergency techniques to last longer in bed? The simplest and quickest ways to last longer are as follows:

1) Reduce your sexual tension and level of arousal by masturbating once, or maybe twice, between one and two hours before you actually have sex. Sure, this can be a little bit impractical if you’re out on a date, and you don’t have the opportunity and privacy to engage in a little bit of self pleasuring help you last longer later on. But there again, you can always nip off to the toilet for a quick one, and your date never need know what’s happening. If you don’t like this idea, just think how much more pleasant it is to be lasting longer in bed than coming uncontrollably.

2) Wear a condom. This really only helps if you’ve just met your date, and you want to last longer, since you should pretty much be wearing a condom anyway with anybody whose sexual history don’t know. However, it can also help in a long established relationship, but it’s a good idea to use plenty of lube on the outside of the condom so that it doesn’t make your partner sore. Will it help you last longer in bed? Yes, up to a point: and if you’re looking for emergency tactics to last longer in bed, then it’s certainly not a bad idea.

3) Reduce your anxiety about sex by explaining to your date that she turns you on so much, you’ll probably come quite quickly – and then make it up to her by giving her a fantastic orgasm with oral sex or masturbation.  You might wonder what anxiety has to do with premature ejaculation. Well, many guys who don’t last very long in bed usually have quite a lot of anxiety or edginess around sex. But to control your ejaculation you need to be as relaxed as possible before you start making love. This reduces your level of adrenalin, which in turn stops you getting aroused as quickly, and so helps you to last longer in the sack. So, if you do have some anxiety around sex, then it’s a good idea to communicate with your partner about what you’re thinking and feeling rather than trying to be a real “bed hero”. The more open and honest you are, the less your partner will be surprised and disappointed if you come too quickly, particularly if you make sex last for a long time  (at least for her!) by giving her a good session of oral sex and bringing her to a climax before you enter her.

4) Don’t do anything that’s going to excite you like rear entry sex before you know you can control your ejaculation.  Sad fact, but the most exciting sexual positions are obviously the ones that will make you come more quickly. Unless she specifically requests a pounding session of rear entry, you’re much better off trying things like side-by-side sex, where the pressure on your penis is much lower than in any other sexual position, and you’re likely to last a lot longer because your muscles are more relaxed. (Muscle tension speeds up your orgasm, in case you didn’t know.) Alternatively, invite her to go on top, which also puts less pressure on your penis.

Now all these things are very helpful in being able to last longer in bed, but if you want a permanent cure then you need to try out a program specifically designed to overcome premature ejaculation, which you can find here: how to last longer in bed.