One of the most controversial ideas that I have come across recently in considering premature ejaculation, is the idea that a man ejaculates quickly so that he can “escape” from his partner.
Now you may think this is a crazy idea, but I think there is some merit in examining exactly what might be going on when therapists suggest this.
I first came across the idea from a therapist colleague who told me that he had worked with a client who was clearly dissatisfied with his relationship.
Indeed, although the relationship was actually conflictual and quite demeaning of the man, he was totally unable at this stage of his personal development, to leave the relationship and find a better partner for his own needs.
In all previous relationships this man had actually been ejaculating within a reasonable timescale of around 5 to 9 minutes, but within this relationship, he started ejaculating prematurely within 2 minutes.
It seemed as though he might be angry at his partner, but there was more to it than that: he actually admitted in therapy that he found the idea of sex with his partner quite aversive, and indeed possibly unpleasant.
He also conceded that fast ejaculation was one way in which he could conclude the intimacy of sexual relations.
Now when I looked at this idea I thought was a compelling force to it: that men who are disempowered from speaking their mind and asserting themselves with women can only express their feelings in what the Jungian therapists would call “shadow ways“.
And one of these might well be to ejaculate prematurely during intercourse simply get the experience over and done with.
Now, this took me onto another line of reasoning, which was like this: that if a man finds connection with his partner aversive during intercourse, then he may ejaculate prematurely.
And what would cause a man to find his sexual partner unattractive?
Well, regrettably, one of the most common things is a change in the woman’s body, and unfortunately I’m referring to fatness and obesity. There’s no denying that his men are honest about this most of them would add in it that the appearance of their sexual partner is important to them.
We know that appearance is very important to women themselves, because actually that is a fundamental way in which sexual attraction between men and women is established. (Men, as has been said very often are “visual” creatures.)
I also know from my work with men that a lot of men are able to overcome revulsion or distaste for their partners’ bodies by detaching themselves from that part of their awareness.
My theory is therefore that men in many instances are likely to hide their feelings of this taste, revulsion or even disgust while they’re having sex with an obese partner, but the premature ejaculation may be one way in which they can terminate the coitus quickly.
All I can offer as a suggestion to help in this situation is an effective weight loss program for women, which helps women to lose weight fast, and is perhaps one of the most effective ways to women to lose weight.
Video: Obesity and Sexual Health
It’s called The Venus Factor, and the reason it’s so effective is that it works on sound physiological principles, all of which are well proven by scientific research.
To be more specific, the way that it works is to increase the activity of leptin in a woman’s body, so that her fat burning hormone is actually more active and responsible for greater weight loss than it would normally be. I recommend this program as it has proved very satisfactory and successful for many of my associates, friends, and colleagues.
I want to emphasize that The Venus Factor has more than the obvious advantages for women who want to lose weight — in specific terms, the truth of the matter is that men find women who are slim and toned more attractive than women who are overweight or obese.
Now I’m not for a moment suggesting that women should regard men’s as a reason for losing weight or altering their body image.
However the fact of the matter is this: women like to be attractive to men, and their self-image to a large extent depends on being so — therefore if you are overweight or obese, you might choose consciously to lose weight and look good so that all manner of improvements can take place in your life, including those around sexual attractiveness.
Here’s a video from a woman who lost weight and you can see the difference between before and after:
I have very little doubt that you will agree with me that there is considerable difference between the two, and although it may be that some men find the woman more attractive at 190 pounds, in my opinion she’s far more attractive at 148 pounds.
Now I believe the subject of whether or not dieting to make yourself attractive to men is a personal decision, so here I’m simply majoring on the details of the Venus Factor Diet for women (click here to see it).
However – if you happen to be interested in the effect of being overweight on a couple’s sex life, read this….from this original source.
A Pattern Emerges
Clearly, there are obese people who are happy, fulfilled and feel deeply connected in their relationships — emotionally and sexually. But in the interviews done for this story with marriage therapists, sexual health doctors and weight researchers, a pattern emerges: Obese people — especially those trying to lose weight — are more dissatisfied with their sexual lives, and obese women seem to suffer the most.
“Instead of enjoying their sexual intimacy, they’re worried about the size of their stomach or, ‘Oh my god, he’s going to touch my stomach. What’s he going to think about my stomach?’ ” says Ronnie Kolotkin, a psychologist at Duke University Medical Center who designed a widely used survey that measures how obesity affects quality of life.
Men with fat bellies suffer far more erectile dysfunction, low sex drive and premature ejaculation than other men. Original source here.
After adjustment for potential confounding factors (age, education level, chronic disease and limitation of daily activity), obese women were 30% less likely than normal weight women to report a sexual partner in the past 12 months
Obese men were 70% less likely to have had more than one sexual partner in the same period and were two and half times more likely to experience erectile dysfunction.
Sexual dysfunction was not associated with BMI among women. However, obese women under 30 were less likely to seek contraceptive advice or use oral contraceptives. They were also more likely to report an unintended pregnancy. Obese men under 30 were far more likely to have had a sexually transmitted infection.
Results also show a significant trend towards decreasing sexual desire with increasing BMI.
Obese women were also five times as likely to have met their partner on the Internet, more likely to have an obese partner, and less likely to view sex as important for personal life balance. The authors suggest that social pressure, low self-esteem and concerns about body image may help explain these findings.
So Will You Lose Weight Fast?
Now, challenging though dieting may be, there’s very little doubt that it’s actually very good for one’s health, but it’s actually proven to lower cholesterol, and that in particular sexual desire, sexual activity, and sexual “performance” all improve dramatically when you are fit and healthy and when you are at your normal correct weight.
It’s been demonstrated very clearly that even losing 5-10 pounds can make people feel much healthier.
In fact, the benefits of dieting have been well documented in numerous studies — losing weight makes you feel healthier and is healthier. And you’re actually going to prolong your life and avoid premature death from cardiovascular problems, for example.
Other issues that can arise with overweight people are insulin insensitivity, and sexual problems that we’ve already mentioned, circulatory problems,and so on and so forth. Read more about healthy eating here.
Now of course the Venus Factor is no “cure all”, and it isn’t a solution to every single problem that you may experience when trying to lose weight, but it’s certainly a high quality program written with good intentions and based very firmly in the scientific methodology.
It’s based on the principle of leptin resistance, which is a problem for women who want to lose weight — the female body is often very insensitive to the hormone leptin which has been dubbed the “fat burning” hormone since it’s responsible for the deposition and release of fat from the fat stores in the body.
It’s actually not possible to supplement leptin by administering it as a drug, so the only way to get leptin working more efficiently is to increase the body’s sensitivity to it — and that can be done by certain dietary protocols and nutritional supplementation.
That’s the basis, in fact, of the Venus Factor – it works to increase the sensitivity of the body to leptin so that the hormone can actually work on the fat stores and release them into the bloodstream, thereby aiding the loss of weight…
…but the bad news might be that it isn’t quite as simple as that, because you do need to eat fewer calories, and you probably also need to take an exercise program.
However having said all of that, what makes the Venus Factor different to other programs that are available on the market is the fact that it’s designed on an individual basis for its customers: you feed in a few simple information points about your weight, height, body mass index and so forth, and out of the software you get a personalized nutrition and exercise program.
Now as if this wasn’t good enough, you also get the opportunity to amend the foods that being prescribed for you — yes, that’s correct! You get complete information on every meal and the calorie content of it, for the entire 12 weeks of the Venus Factor program — so that you can enjoy the foods that you actually prefer to eat.
You see, this isn’t some kind of restrictive diet whereby you have to starve yourself all the only certain foods! Truth of the matter is, you can eat a good diet, you can avoid hunger pangs, you don’t have to exercise in prescribed and punishing regime, and you do have the support of other like-minded individuals in the Venus Factor community…
…it’s hard to imagine in fact a better diet plan for women, because it covers not only physical welfare, but also spiritual, emotional, and practical matters — in terms of support, I haven’t seen a better organization than the members’ community, where people get together to exchange essential information on dieting and slimming.
It’s also possible to find buddies in your local area who can come and exercise with you in the local gym — although it needs to be said at this point that you can use all the exercises at home instead of going to the gym if you prefer.
They come on a downloadable program, so you can print them out and take them to the gym, or you can put them on your mobile phone as an app, and use them from the screen of your phone — but once again, in the same way you get as an individualized nutritional program, you get every single exercise the entire program laid out for you in advance of taking this diet regime.
It’s a serious diet plan for serious dieters, but on the other hand it doesn’t need to be hard work — it can actually be fun! And while you might find it hard to believe at the moment, if you actually look at the program, you will find that there are lots of opportunities to doing the hard work of dieting in a different, perhaps even a pleasant — and dare I say “easy” — way.