Delayed ejaculation is an interesting male sexual dysfunction which goes against everything that we expect from men making love to women – in fact it’s about a delay in the time between penetration and ejaculation during intercourse which is beyond the man’s control.
Now many men would aspire greatly to having complete control of their ejaculation during intercourse, but very few do.
Estimates of men with premature ejaculation range from around 15% to around 75%, but in general, it’s fair to say that if a man ejaculates within two minutes of penetration, he is probably on the faster side of normal.
However men with delayed ejaculation find that they cannot ejaculate at all, or only after an extremely prolonged period of thrusting during intercourse.
There are many disadvantages to this despite the fact that it might at first sight seem to be a desirable condition.
To start with, the woman generally becomes extremely sore during intercourse due to the prolonged thrusting and loss of natural lubrication. It’s also true that the man may develop sore penis for similar reasons.
And delayed ejaculation represents not a man’s superb control of ejaculation, but some dysfunction which is about the man not receiving enough stimulation to bring him to a point of arousal sufficiently high for him to reach the point of no return, or as it is better known, the point of ejaculatory inevitability.
Now you might think that this sounds like a very desirable condition, but believe me, it generally produces friction and frustration in an extreme form between the members of a couple!
Most women faced with a man who is experiencing delayed ejaculation will not want prolonged intercourse in the hope that he might finally manage to get sufficiently aroused to ejaculate. Instead, in general they get very bored with intercourse, and the whole thing becomes an absolute turnoff.
One of the reasons for this is that it’s not an act of love, but an active sexual mechanism – a man thrusting in and out of the vagina in an attempt to ejaculate bears little relationship to a loving relationship where the culmination of the sex act is the natural ejaculation and release of the man’s semen.
So what can be done about this? And also, why does it happen in the first place?
Well, one of the reasons it happens is because men learned to masturbate using a harsh and fast technique when they were in their adolescence.
It’s fair to say that many men masturbate in this way in adulthood too, because that’s the way they conditioned themselves to ejaculate – with fast hard strokes of the hand around the penis, producing a greater amount of friction than the penis can ever be subject to in a vagina (or indeed during oral sex).
Now it is possible for men to recondition their penis so that it responds to much lesser levels of stimulation, but it takes time and effort.
Because men have a naturally high sex drive, the outcome for most men who are aspiring to ejaculate normally is to start by avoiding masturbation for a few days in the hope that their increasing level of sexual tension will lead them to an easier ejaculation.
But what generally seems to happen is that the man’s sexual desire for ejaculation and orgasm is so great that a after a few days he can’t resist bringing himself off in the normal way (i.e. hard and fast).
You can imagine this is not a good strategy for re-conditioning the body to reach ejaculation and orgasm with less stimulation.
So in general, the recommended treatment will involve some kind of increase in the level of stimulation that a man receives during intercourse.
Men who have difficulties reaching the point ejaculation, or trouble ejaculating in any setting, find that one way to overcome delayed ejaculation is to increase sexual stimulation by using hard-core fantasy.
Another option is to use physical triggers such as nipple stimulation or anal stimulation, perhaps even prostate stimulation using a vibrator inserted into the anus. This way their level of arousal is stimulated to be higher, and their chance of orgasm is proportionately greater.
Even so, having said this, there’s no question that delayed ejaculation is one of the most troublesome male sexual dysfunctions – perhaps just as troublesome as erectile dysfunction.
In the end when a man can’t ejaculate during sex, the whole basis of the sexual relationship between a man and his partner is disrupted.
The woman, as I’ve already, said may find that sex becomes boring and tedious and simply lose her interest in it, which may in turn lead to a diagnosis for her of something like hypoactive sexual desire disorder.
The man, meanwhile, may find that because of the the difficulty he has ejaculating during intercourse, his interest in sex wanes, and he therefore not only feels less able to engage in intercourse but less desirous of doing so. This is a problem that can lead to erectile dysfunction.
Ultimate the cure for any condition that involves sexual dysfunction of this magnitude must be to examine the relationship between the man and his partner. You can find some advice on how to do that on the internet. Discover the technique here and never experience delayed ejaculation again.
If the man is not reaching the level of arousal necessary for ejaculation, one has to wonder whether or not he’s genuinely attracted to women, in other words he might be covertly homosexual, or whether he has a complex of neurological psychological and emotional issues which mean that he can’t respond to women sexually.
The answer is that it’s often a combination of these things, so examining the relationship in which a couple find themselves can be extremely helpful in finding a route forward to a cure.
This doesn’t mean, I might add, that you need to engage in deep psychotherapy – counseling alone can increase the level of intimacy that a man feels towards his partner and be equally effective.
However, having said all that, there’s no doubt that in many cases, there’s a serious psychological complex deep in the man’s unconscious which is responsible for delayed ejaculation, and he may need help to overcome it and be able to ejaculate normally during intercourse.
As it happens, there is an online treatment program available which has been written by the authors of this website and is a great help for all men who have delayed ejaculation. You can find it here – I hope it helps!